Life can be a rollercoaster, a box of chocolates, a [fill in your metaphor]. Yes, life is full of ups and downs, twists and turns, and the unexpected—for better or worse. These past couple of weeks, I’ve encountered more of the lows of life, with the sudden death of one of my aunts, sickness, and an overwhelming to-do list that’s still growing. And I’ve found it difficult to make any mental and emotional space for creativity. As someone who thrives while creating and working toward my personal goals, walking through a low can feel disorienting. While in a valley, any blooms of inspiration can feel hidden by the shadows of looming circumstances and towering emotions—and a way forward feels far away. When I’m in this space, not only does my creativity suffer, but so too does my ability to stay on top of my mental and physical health. However, while in the latest low, I’ve been meditating on the importance of showing myself grace.
How to Show Yourself Grace
Showing yourself grace can be interpreted in many different ways, but essentially, it involves being kind to yourself. I tend to be too hard on myself. I’m goal-oriented, and I have a list for each of my creative goals: finishing my novel, updating my website, completing all my art projects for the fairs this fall, etc. I feel accomplished when crossing something off my to-do list, but when things remain stagnant, I can feel quickly defeated. Showing myself grace is about being at peace with a static to-do list; it’s about acknowledging the season/space I’m in and understanding that it’s okay not to be as productive as I’d like—in fact, sometimes, in the same way that a forest fire clears space for new growth, being still in the valley can create the space needed for inspiration to once again take root.
When you’re in a valley and feeling uninspired and not as productive as you’d like, here are some steps you can take to show yourself grace:
Acknowledge where you’re at. It can be all too easy to trudge forward through a difficult experience or emotion in the hopes that it will pass more quickly. But this can lead to emotional/mental/spiritual exhaustion as well as zap any semblance of creativity. By acknowledging where you’re at, you’re making it more real—which will also enable you to have realistic expectations about what you can and can’t accomplish right now. These past two weeks, I’ve had to acknowledge that:
I’m grieving my aunt’s death.
I’ve been sick.
I’ve had a heavier workload than normal.
By saying these things out loud, I can clearly see that I’m at capacity, both mentally and physically, and therefore my to-do lists should reflect this reality. In your own life, are you experiencing difficult circumstances or walking through prickly emotional terrain? Write it down or say it out loud, and then readjust your to-do lists and creative expectations accordingly.
Be kind to yourself. Imagine a friend shows up at your door; their face is a mess from crying, and they’re desperately looking for someone to listen to what they’re going through. Most people would stop what they’re doing to welcome this friend in with open arms; they’d listen to their friend and help in any way they could. Now imagine that this friend is your soul, and it’s banging at the door of your heart, begging you to be still and listen. Oftentimes, it’s easier to be kinder to others than ourselves. But when we’re in a valley, being still and sitting with our emotions will help the clouds to lift and the way forward to become clearer.
Don’t compare yourself to others. In my twenties, I had always wanted to finish a novel by age 30. However, that age came and went, and I didn’t finish a novel. In fact, I’m approaching 40, and I still haven’t finished that novel. If I’m not careful, I can easily look at other younger published authors and compare myself to them. Of course, this leads to a painful spiral of doubt—I start to wonder if I’ll ever finish the writing projects I’ve started or why others have and I haven’t. I’m espeically prone to comparison when in the valley, as this is when I’m most vulnerable. When this starts to happen, I must intentionally steer my thoughts out of this danger zone. Going back to acknowledging where I’m at and being kind to myself help; for example, I often remind myself that I’m in the busy season of raising young children and working full time, and I tell myself that it’s okay not to finish my novel right now. As long as I’m taking small steps when I can make the time, that’s enough for right now.
Showing yourself grace is a life-long practice that is especially essential during the valley-seasons. The more you show yourself grace, the more you will be able to move forward in healthy ways that will once again inspire creativity—whatever that looks like for you.
In what ways have you shown yourself grace during a low moment or season? I’d love to hear about it! Until next time, stay creative, friends.